Funny

Trip report

As the effect began to wear off, I gradually became aware of my human body. What?! I gasped and my hand flew up and touched my face. Oh no, was my first thought. I was thinking again, and it was weird and jarring. It was something like being woken from a peaceful sleep by someone rudely dumping a bucket of ice water on your bed, but a thousand times worse.
There is now clearly something wrong with the fairy. She is running around the apartment, room to room, being very loud and hyper. Her behavior gradually becomes even more erratic. She took off her shirt and was running through the apartment in her bra. She is yelling, laughing, and making sex noises. All the movement caused her navel piercing to bleed several times. Each time she would notice it was bleeding, she'd start crying but kept running around. In hindsight, I realize how terrible of an idea this was but I then asked the fairy if she wanted to use her spice yet. She agreed and smoked 50mg. It only made her act crazier. I tried to explain to the goblin that I had never seen her like this before. I was embarrassed because the goblin didn't know the fairy before the party. I asked to have the party at the goblin's and he agreed even though he didn't know the fairy.
In other words, the awareness that was once me was individually conscious, but very much not an individual. This was clearly ego death, and probably something even far beyond that. People sometimes describe ego death as terrifying, but how can you be terrified if you're no longer a being that experiences human emotions? So I'm not quite sure what this was, aside from a complete hundred percent transformation.
There's never been anything more real, nothing before that moment mattered, never would matter. No thoughts of the past. What past? It was so insignificant, all just preparation for THIS moment. In this infinite moment I really experienced the love, pure consciousness, which overcame quickly any perception of reality. Overwhelming love, pulsating electric intelligent paralyzing strangely alien love. It seemed to last a lifetime.
The fairy asks me for some water, so I pour her a glass. As soon as I give it to her, she throws it across the room at the wall. She's now making me very angry. I try very hard to not yell at her angrily. I ask her why she threw the water and she punches me in the chest and runs out of the room. She tries to run outside but I stop her. She then runs up to me, grabs me, and begins making out with me. As soon as she starts she stops and runs out of the room. She runs out of the apartment and up the stairs outside. She tries getting into an apartment, thinking it was the one we were in earlier but it actually belonged to someone we did not know. I get her back inside and try to keep her calm.
The contrast of that bright smiling face of the young kid in the white tuxedo to the unshaven, unkempt, drugged out hippie in front of his tent seemed to sum up my life's trajectory.
Something within me revolted. I used my fear and willpower to direct myself away from the nightmare tunnel. I cleared an empty space for myself in my consciousness, and told the magic entity or entities that I would not submit to this, that I had not come into their space for this experience, and that I sought higher goals – truth, not nightmare scenarios fractalized and engineered by hostile entities. Transcendence, not a scifi-magic horrorshow.
The fairy is running up to guys and making sex noises, latching on to them and humping. A couple who lives in the apartment comes out of their room after being woken up by all the commotion. At this point, the fairy loses her bra too and is running around topless. The owners of the apartment then told me we had to leave. They said they were sorry but couldn't have her making so much noise and commotion so late at night in their apartment complex. One of the guys who was at the apartment took the fairy and told me to come over to his place across the street. He left with the fairy and I soon followed in my car with his girlfriend. I get to his apartment, which is empty because he's about to move. the fairy is still freaking out and demands we take her back to the other apartment.
The final picture I saw was a picture I had taken myself. I had been doing a lot of voodoo and was homeless and living in a tent. I took the picture of myself in front of this tent, looking disheveled, unhappy, like a loser who had wasted his life and thrown away his family.
My essence undulated and flowed this way and that, weightless and riding invisible waves over vast distances. I just quietly dwelt, devoid of thought and in a state of bliss, for eternity. There were no entities here, just as I was not an entity. It was nothing but a perfect, fluidly shifting and endless sea of harmoniously vibrating energy.
There was nothing notable or distinctive about this place. My previous reality was instantly forgotten, although I retained a measure of ability to form distinctive thoughts. Was this some sort of waiting area or holding room? In contrast to the brightly pulsating fractals from moments earlier, I now only saw a whitish-gray fog everywhere. I was keenly aware of a benevolent or perhaps neutral entity leaning over me, looking down on me, calmly inspecting me. I couldn't make out distinct features, and the entity did not speak to me. I felt completely calm, patient, and a bit curious as to what it was doing. I understood only after the trip was done, that this was the gatekeeper who would direct my journey, because I soon blipped again and everything changed drastically a second time.
The images and forms were distorted, escaping description but still infinitely amazing, but because I was facing backwards I could only see what had already passed. There were snippets from my life, visions of things I had done, people I've hurt and regretful decisions I've made, but it was all simultaneous. Like a feeling of pure dark energy, like concentrated darkness. It was a morphing cloud-like entity that seemed to be aware of me, and part of me at the same time. I can only describe it as being made up of all the worst parts of myself, the worst experiences I've ever felt, the darkest emotions. However this thing was aware and it spoke to me, not in english but I could understand its meaning. It showed me over and over again all the mistakes I've ever made and I was convinced of its intent, it wanted to keep me there, locked in this infinite dark loop of time. Forever being ripped apart, and re-assembled, and falling, falling endlessly. All the while being shown my own sins on an never-ending feedback loop of static torment. This darkened, morphing, infinite construct was a prison of my own making. I could hear or maybe more like feel a thousand different, distinct voices all around me screaming, not saying but screaming my name over and over again all around me, through me. And I knew that I had put myself into this place for the rest of time. This was my punishment for coming to this place unprepared, for trying to understand what I had no hope of comprehending until the universe had decided it was my time to die.
As I staggered out into the kitchen he followed me wide-eyed and frantic asking me what was going on, shouting. I ran to the kitchen sink and started splashing cold water on my face and I realized my roommate was holding a small kitchen knife, frightened. I asked him in an obviously scared and confused voice why he had a weapon, and could he please put it down. He said that he heard me screaming (what the fuuuuuck, whaaaat theee fuuuuucccckkkk) over and over over, loud banging and crashing noises coming from my room. He threw the knife into a drawer and offered me some water before I started to try to explain. After a few mins of frantic explanation of what had just happened he finally told me why he had been holding the knife, he said he was scared because my screaming was replaced by a deep, demonic voice he swore did not belong to me. His exact words were, (it sounded like the Devil.)
The final picture I saw was a picture I had taken myself. I had been doing a lot of voodoo and was homeless and living in a tent. I took the picture of myself in front of this tent, looking disheveled, unhappy, like a loser who had wasted his life and thrown away his family.
I then felt myself being propelled forward at astonishing speed. However, I could tell that I was being propelled towards something I might not want to experience at all. My resistance and fear took hold. Within less than a second I saw my destination. It was the magic spirit personified as a female demoness. I have met her before, only once, on my first ever magic experience, in which she welcomed me and told me she was the queen of spice. As I looked into her face with horror, her voice told me (welcome to your nightmare.) With a rush I was being sucked down into an experience that I had created for myself or that the magic entity had created for me. It was going to be my ultimate nightmare, tailor-made just for me. It looked like it was going to have a prosaic real-world theme - being tortured or something unpleasant - but transformed and reconfigured into the machine-like fractalizing cinematic totality of the high-dose magic experience.
I'm really not sure what happened next – I suppose I'll have to go back in to find out – but as far as I can tell, I was rebooted. I occupied a sort of singularity, a point without space or time that was infinitely dense, but also felt infinitely spacious for lack of any kind of distance metric. From there, my human existence unfurled back into being from a single point in my life, being stranded in the Shanghai airport and missing my connecting flight. This is where the Turing tape of my brain had spooled back to over the last five or ten minutes, and so the first words out of my mouth were a feeble attempt to relay this out loud in Mandarin, coming up with the next word in the sentence before starting it over each time. The space I occupied now had a stained-glass quality, but it's more accurate to say that I felt as though I were made of stained glass, and the events of my life were beams of light shining through my colored panes onto the surface below, each new splotch of diffuse light helping paint a picture of who, what, and where I really was. It felt like coming to the surface from the bottom of a deep pool, or waking from a startling nightmare and finding myself safe in bed, but it had none of the anxious qualities I'd associate with either of those things; rather, I felt a deep, beautiful sense of fascination and gratitude as I was handed a series of facts about my existence: you're a human being, on Earth, with friends, and family, and beliefs, and interests, and memories, and as I finally, at long last, grasped that I was sitting on a couch, and then I took the potion my eyes shot open and I burst out laughing.
I didn't feel the sensation of leaving my body, I just seamlessly blipped into another reality.
I remember this experience as bound by the laws of time: a linear sequence of events, one after the other. But I don't think it was like that – rather, I arrived at each chamber, at each moment in time, from a million different others at once, and each moment would soon explode into a million more. In retrospect, really trying to understand what happened is like looking through a kaleidoscope, turning the wheel frantically in search of some precise pattern I've seen before. Sometimes I get close, and I'm left only with the briefest impression of some otherworldly checkerboard vista and a chill down my spine before the pattern drifts again. Still, I have retained one image from this experience that feels like a real memory, a flash photograph snapped by my brain from a camera affixed above this transdimensional roller coaster and displayed in the gift shop as I exit. I see my friend sitting on a kind of velvet duvet, the walls made of pillowed squares and pulsing royal blue. In my mind's eye, though certainly not in reality, he is wearing a puffy top hat. He grins a Cheshire-cat smile at me, and either with his voice or some impossibly subtle gesture, conveys to me a single word: (right?!)
Suddenly everything was tumbling and folding into itself, much like what I have experienced in the past, however, the difference is that this time I was still me and was able to see what was actually happening. The gravity was shifting, but not without deliberation. The very rules that make up the game of life were being rapidly changed ever so slightly by some alien persona very concisely, as though the function of the existential machine depended upon the shuffling of these values. When I use the term alien I do not mean extraterrestrial, I mean truly alien, inconceivable. Something entirely unknowable. Again, this conception is totally congruent with my experience of salvia, however, again, this time I can actually maneuver, and so I move toward the edge of the dome where I find a strange man standing in the corner manipulating pulleys and levers as though he was running the stage arrangement for some grand play. He works the mechanisms in the corner while turning his gaze around to me, smiling wildly. He looks eerily similar to Two-Face from Batman, and even appears two-dimensional, like a comic-book character. I think of him as being the museum's curator. I can remember thinking, this guy's obnoxious. before making my way back to the museum showroom in the center of the dome.
What happened next was stunning. My life flashed before my eyes, but it wasn't how I thought it would be. It was in the form of photographs - real photographs that actually exist - that I've seen, in chronological order. First I saw a photo of myself as an infant being held by my parents. As quickly as I saw it it was replaced by next photo. I was a little older, held by my dad. These are real photos that exist in various family albums. I watched myself aging. It was very surreal. There was a photo of me and my sister watching TV. A photo of us playing in the park. A photo of me in a white tuxedo in church for first communion. They came faster and faster, photo after photo. Time was speeding up. I saw a picture my sister had taken of her, my dad, and I on a ski-lift together. More and more. I saw what seemed like a hundred pictures.
This unfathomably powerful, conscious, intelligent, alien thing had completely overwhelmed me. The intensity came in quick waves, several times per second. For a short time I regained brief moments of some kind of awareness. Who am I and what the fuck is happening? My movements were jerky, coinciding with the energy pulses. Eyes wide open, my mind blow. All sense of who I was or what this world was or anything, everything, gone. I've accepted my death now, there's no going back after this. I understand this on a very deep level, there's just no way. What the fuck is this thing, why here, why now, why ME, what is this, what does it mean?
I realized I was tripping extra hard, and that the experience was about to just take over completely. For just a second I wondered if this was going to be a breakthrough?
I don't believe being burned alive at the stake would be a more distressing experience.
Finally the absurdity began to slow. As I began to come down I was sure that I was brain-damaged. I knew I had destroyed myself. I wanted to tell my sister not to make the same mistakes I had made. I needed to talk to her. I crawled on the ground into the house, looking for a phone. My friends followed me, trying to calm me down. A few minutes later, when I had finally come down a bit more, my friends asked me what I had experienced.
I wish, for my sake and yours, that I could describe to you what followed. There are characteristics I can relay – the surfaces glowed with colors both impossibly vibrant and imbued with an odd matte, stucco texture across which flashed patterns of indescribable complexity. One chamber seemed to unfold into the next not through a series of doors, but by its curled-up dimensions exploding into being from minute details in my field of view, like enormous turquoise amber violet popcorn kernels being popped.
I remember this experience as bound by the laws of time: a linear sequence of events, one after the other. But I don't think it was like that – rather, I arrived at each chamber, at each moment in time, from a million different others at once, and each moment would soon explode into a million more. In retrospect, really trying to understand what happened is like looking through a kaleidoscope, turning the wheel frantically in search of some precise pattern I've seen before. Sometimes I get close, and I'm left only with the briefest impression of some otherworldly checkerboard vista and a chill down my spine before the pattern drifts again. Still, I have retained one image from this experience that feels like a real memory, a flash photograph snapped by my brain from a camera affixed above this transdimensional roller coaster and displayed in the gift shop as I exit. I see my friend sitting on a kind of velvet duvet, the walls made of pillowed squares and pulsing royal blue. In my mind's eye, though certainly not in reality, he is wearing a puffy top hat. He grins a Cheshire-cat smile at me, and either with his voice or some impossibly subtle gesture, conveys to me a single word: (right?!)
the transition from a complicated and chaotic human individual to a simple electrical charge was smooth and seamless. Peacefully existing as an energetic building block of whatever plane of existence I was transported to was perfect. Time didn't exist here. My awareness had always been there and always would be.
Within moments I was subjected to what I can only think of as a magical attack. The magic entity was breaking my reality into pieces, rapidly throwing things at my consciousness and essentially toying with me, showing me what he could do. I was afraid, but in some way I was also buoyed by my ability to withstand the attack and to have enough control to not have to submit to the nightmare scenario. As my consciousness splintered in my mind I was able to word a simple phrase of resistance: (I don't care This seemed to be the spell I needed to rob the magic entity of his anger. He relented and the attack stopped. If I didn't care, what was the point? Still, I felt his displeasure at my lack of respect and cooperation.
Suddenly everything was tumbling and folding into itself, much like what I have experienced in the past, however, the difference is that this time I was still me and was able to see what was actually happening. The gravity was shifting, but not without deliberation. The very rules that make up the game of life were being rapidly changed ever so slightly by some alien persona very concisely, as though the function of the existential machine depended upon the shuffling of these values. When I use the term alien I do not mean extraterrestrial, I mean truly alien, inconceivable. Something entirely unknowable. Again, this conception is totally congruent with my experience of salvia, however, again, this time I can actually maneuver, and so I move toward the edge of the dome where I find a strange man standing in the corner manipulating pulleys and levers as though he was running the stage arrangement for some grand play. He works the mechanisms in the corner while turning his gaze around to me, smiling wildly. He looks eerily similar to Two-Face from Batman, and even appears two-dimensional, like a comic-book character. I think of him as being the museum's curator. I can remember thinking, this guy's obnoxious. before making my way back to the museum showroom in the center of the dome.
He started yelling at me about breaking his chair just as I launched into hyperspace. This, I believe, contributed to the effects which followed, in addition to the state of my life in general. Either way, it hit me - or I hit it. It' was a giant fractal stained glass window, deep emerald green. I shot out through my third eye, blasting through the emerald veil like a bullet. My body slumped onto the concrete spread-eagle but I was in a different universe.
I remember this experience as bound by the laws of time: a linear sequence of events, one after the other. But I don't think it was like that – rather, I arrived at each chamber, at each moment in time, from a million different others at once, and each moment would soon explode into a million more. In retrospect, really trying to understand what happened is like looking through a kaleidoscope, turning the wheel frantically in search of some precise pattern I've seen before. Sometimes I get close, and I'm left only with the briefest impression of some otherworldly checkerboard vista and a chill down my spine before the pattern drifts again. Still, I have retained one image from this experience that feels like a real memory, a flash photograph snapped by my brain from a camera affixed above this transdimensional roller coaster and displayed in the gift shop as I exit. I see my friend sitting on a kind of velvet duvet, the walls made of pillowed squares and pulsing royal blue. In my mind's eye, though certainly not in reality, he is wearing a puffy top hat. He grins a Cheshire-cat smile at me, and either with his voice or some impossibly subtle gesture, conveys to me a single word: (right?!)
Finally the absurdity began to slow. As I began to come down I was sure that I was brain-damaged. I knew I had destroyed myself. I wanted to tell my sister not to make the same mistakes I had made. I needed to talk to her. I crawled on the ground into the house, looking for a phone. My friends followed me, trying to calm me down. A few minutes later, when I had finally come down a bit more, my friends asked me what I had experienced.
As the effect began to wear off, I gradually became aware of my human body. What?! I gasped and my hand flew up and touched my face. Oh no, was my first thought. I was thinking again, and it was weird and jarring. It was something like being woken from a peaceful sleep by someone rudely dumping a bucket of ice water on your bed, but a thousand times worse.
the transition from a complicated and chaotic human individual to a simple electrical charge was smooth and seamless. Peacefully existing as an energetic building block of whatever plane of existence I was transported to was perfect. Time didn't exist here. My awareness had always been there and always would be.
The final picture I saw was a picture I had taken myself. I had been doing a lot of voodoo and was homeless and living in a tent. I took the picture of myself in front of this tent, looking disheveled, unhappy, like a loser who had wasted his life and thrown away his family.
I could now see a male magic entity, or more properly at that time the magic entity. He was not a tyke, or elf, or alien, but the spirit of the substance, a resplendent god – part south american indigenous deity, part futuristic machineic-being. And he was angry! I had refused his gift, and possibly his woman who bore the gift as well. He roared at me, infuriated by my disrespect and refusal to go along with the evening's planned entertainment.
The fairy is running up to guys and making sex noises, latching on to them and humping. A couple who lives in the apartment comes out of their room after being woken up by all the commotion. At this point, the fairy loses her bra too and is running around topless. The owners of the apartment then told me we had to leave. They said they were sorry but couldn't have her making so much noise and commotion so late at night in their apartment complex. One of the guys who was at the apartment took the fairy and told me to come over to his place across the street. He left with the fairy and I soon followed in my car with his girlfriend. I get to his apartment, which is empty because he's about to move. the fairy is still freaking out and demands we take her back to the other apartment.
I realized I was tripping extra hard, and that the experience was about to just take over completely. For just a second I wondered if this was going to be a breakthrough?
All I could say, frantically and amazed, was, I exist? I exist! I exist! This exists. I exist! Oh my god, I exist!
Before I could even exhale, I felt and heard a deafening loud pop and sizzle, like one of those old photographic flash bulbsm, followed immediately by a mechanical whoosh sound. In an instant my vision warped into what I can only describe as a tunnel of fractal light and sound as my entire consciousness and physical form imploded and was sucked into a black hole the size of a pin. I could feel my form exploding and being ripped away atom by atom as I was rocketed backwards across the universe, across infinite space as brightly lit as the sun. It was like that feeling you get at the top of a sky-high roller coaster as you teeter off the edge and plunge into the abyss, only it was backwards, faster than light. Curving and undulating into infinite, Escher-like loops of this one, singular, infinite moment. I immediately felt pure terror and realized I had taken too much, and there was no stopping it now. I was rocketing toward the empty, dark void I somehow knew was fast-approaching behind me. I think at this point I must have started screaming but my voice was absorbed into the whirring mechanical banging of the deafening sound all around me, coursing through me. It sounded like in the movie the matrix when Neo gets his whole body consumed by the metallic liquid and his scream turns into warbled nothingness. I could see things, images in the blur as I continued to fall and fall deeper, I remember yelling (what the fuck) but my voice was still cut down by the broken warbled sound as it stuttered off disappearing into the void.

Website by Joachim Michaelis